Friday, May 9, 2014
My Video For Briona
Are you high? Baby girl? Are you masturbating? How do you know about sand on other galaxies? You referenced "humans". Are you an alien? Golden diamonds? Burglar?
You're in 10th grade. Go eat your pizza in a triangle box.
Boy Cries and Pleads To Girlfriend - Please Don't Leave Me
This time's for real, I know what love is being a 15 year old boy and everything. You can live with me at my mom's house with my 4 toddler aged sisters that scream constantly.
Santa Maria has feeling too.
Now That's What I Call Music Vol. 8
I was locked in my best friend's room with this commercial playing, then she broke out the CD and started playing the damn thing. Girls were giving make overs, talking about kissing boys, and that's when I lite a small fire with flash cards for the times tables. I had to crawl out of the window to get away from the smoke. That trauma is something that sticks to me this very day.
Now That's What I Call Music Vol. 3
The theme to gym class when the teacher wanted to sneak off to take pain killers and fall asleep with his sunglasses on.
Pure Moods CD Commercial
This commercial ruined Nickelodeon for me. Also, fuck people that like Enya.
Ultimate Dance Party 1997 Commercial
UH! All the crappy dance hits my mom did E to in the 90s jam packed into one collectable CD.
Living In The 90s TV Commercial
Looking back, living in the 90s kind of sucked. I don't know what all the trendy idiot teens are doing romanticizing this shit. Probably because they were born in 1997 and don't know shit.
Time Life Body and Soul CD Commercial
Your parents are having sex, deal with it. And some smooth black guy is watching them.
Pure Disco CD Commercial
Not the Grease Mega Mix! It was worth it to stay up to watch Nick at Nite even though I thought Designing Women was the most boring show ever when I was 7.
Punching The Clown Trailer
Don't say poop because apparently that's a really offensive word, especially is you feel a false sense of responsibility and importance despite being a college student in their early 20s. It's the American dream to be blinded by your parents money. Go figure.
Will It Blend? - Skeleton
I always wondered about that. Nothing can save you not once I get that blender.
Party Monster - Money, Success, Fame, Glamour
Money, Success, Fame, Glamour....not so much glamour, but everything else.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Fats Domino - I've Been Around
Hangover music after you destroy a house. Roll that beautiful bean footage.
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Jump On It
He was chicken and waffles. I got a leg in one hand and a burr in the other.
The Fesh Pince of Blair
Let me tell you a little story about this young boy that lived in Philly. And he was the prettiest
little boy you'd ever seen in your life. And right next to him lived this Filthy McRotten dude and he wanted his body. So one day the dude was about to get it on, right. And the young boy says no, you can be my boyfriend. So the nasty dude snatched off into his ass and came out his dick. And do you know why? NO. Because the nasty guy had a 2 headed cock. MMMMM SO. THIS STORY IS ABOUT YOU, WILL.
METAL GEAR COSBY
Your head fell forward, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
It fell forward again, you pulled it back. It fell forward again, you pulled it back.
Ray Stevens - Come To The USA (AKA THE FAVORITE SONG OF THE RICH WHITE OLD PEOPLE OF SLO AKA EVERYONE)
This is the most racist gay guy I've ever heard.
Someone tried to tell me that this was Randy Newman.
Old white people listen to this and laugh because they think this is clever. All while they fall asleep to watching the Hallmark Channel.
Kenny Chesney - She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy (AKA SANTA MARIA SEX SONG)
Kenny Chesney wrote this heartfelt song after loosing his virginity to his John Deer tractor while he was in the FFA.
Tim McGraw - Truck Yeah (AKA THE SANTA MARIA SONG)
Tim McGraw personally came up to me and said "Do you wanna truck? I want you to put it in my trunk."
Lordside G - Lordsider Girl
When people in Santa Maria want to film something nice, they go to Santa Barbara.
FUCK THE WORLD!
P.S. Bill Dooooooooo
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