Okay, there's been a lot of fuss about face paint this year because apparently it's in. Well, that's a load of bull shit! That's cool that MGMT is fueling the face paint rage (they were good when I saw them a couple of weeks ago, and it was equally fun going back to a $300 hotel room and partying like it was the apocalypse). What's not cool is yuppie raver babies wanting to be weekend freaks! This is a term I'm coining right here, right now. Weekend freaks are girls that are following fads when they're going to school on weekdays, then on the weekend they decide to get all edgy by wearing ripped clothes downtown when they get their coffee where all the the ultra consumers get it (Starbucks...GO SIT ON A DICK!). They sit in their room painting their face like David Bowie when we all know damn well the only songs they have in their ipod are "China Girl" and "Let's Dance", maybe "Changes", but mostly likely they just heard them in advertisments and downloaded them to brag to people that they're into weird shit. Well fuck you, your a damn undercover pink that SubGenii have to watch out for! News flash, Lady Gaga isn't edgy and progressive. I liked her shit a lot better when it was Grace Jones in the 80s. Also, what the fuck, why is it that when Lady Gaga wears Kermits on her it's so influential, but when Bjork wears a swan, people get offended. I don't listen to Bjork, but at least she isn't a tool like Lady Gaga. So stop calling me Gaga, it's Biba, go do something with your life like....die.
Aside from being totally sleep deprived, and irritable from a hypomanic episode, I have been getting a legitamate freak on. Yes, freak on, it's like a hard on but with freaks. It's like when lobster boy masturbates with butter as lube on Chat Roulette, or when the bearded lady grows her beard so long that she just uses it as a thong. This is my list of freaks and I love them, they're weird, they're crazy, they're icons...some of them, but to me they are all icons. These aren't in any type of order, and I'm just going to keep posting videos!
1. David Bowie
Come on, do I have to say anything! Everything the man touches is weird! Kraftwerk meantions him and Iggy Pop in "Trans Europe Express", he got Devo and Brian Eno together, he spawned Klaus Nomi, did a collaboration with Marc Bolan, and made face paint a fashion statement! His ex wife Angie even had a solo career that totally tanked, but was also very very fucking weird. It is said that weirdness always found Bowie because his family has a history of severe Schitzophrenia, but I just think it's because he's an alien from a dying planet that is willing to sell his invention ideas for water. I love him, he is a sex god.
2. Frank Zappa
A man that writes a song about not eating yellow snow is obviously not going to the Elk's Lodge every night to play bingo. I was in love with him and his albums when I was 14, and I still am, and I'll be damned if anyone can top making a song like "Willie the Pimp" and making a movie like '200 Motels'. Fucking Ringo Starr was in that movie as Frank Zappa, what the fuck. I peed my pants seeing that when I was 14. Everything Frank Zappa does is weird, even his cameo in The Monkees movie 'Head' is weird. Why does he have a donkey!
3. Freddie Mercury
He didn't dress as weird as Bolan or Bowie, his songs weren't weird like Devo or The Tubes, but his eccentric stage presence and cat suits were all that I needed. His personality is like watching Phantom of the Opera while totally fucked up on mushrooms. I'm pretty sure if you listen to "Don't Stop Me Now" on mushrooms a black hole will appear next to you, or maybe you'll just think one did.
4. Klaus Nomi
He was a backup singer for David Bowie and launched his solo career with his New Wave Opera music (literally, it's New Wave and Opera at the same time). He looked like an alien, he acted like an alien, and maybe he was an alien. He was into the culinary arts back in the old country of Germany, but ended up hopping the weird train with Bowie. I listened to Klaus Nomi everyday when I was 15 and I'd do my makeup like his and try to sing "Lightning Strikes" like a big fat lady opera singer that wears Elizabethian dresses.
4. Marc Bolan
He started with the folk band Tyrannosaurus Rex (so fucking cool), then morphed into his glamed out self with T Rex. He was also in John's Children which is a 60s mod band, which I like a lot and listened to them a lot when I was 14. Marc Bolan is so glam that he doesn't snort cocaine, he snorts straight up glitter! Even more pee in my pants good is the picture of him in his Biba jacket (Biba was a popular 60s and 70s fashion line).
5. Brian Eno
It doesn't matter if he was balding, it only made him cooler. You don't need hair to be cool, fuck that! He put out more albums then I can count, produced bands like Talking Heads and Devo, collaborated with David Bowie, Nico, Genesis, been involved with Depeche Mode and U2, was in Roxy Music, and made a song for David Lynch's Dune. This guy lost his hair for a reason, but just covered it up with make up...and kept doing all this shit. I love you Brian Eno!
6. Peter Gabriel
Yeah, ever one knows him because John Cusak wanted to romance Donovan's daughter in 'Stay Anything' by pumping "In Your Eyes", but who remembers "Watcher of the Skies"? Peter Gabriel used to be a straight up freak. He wore bat wings on his head, shaved a patch of his hair in the center of his head, and wore a red dress and a giant fox head at the same time on stage! Sure my aunt thinks he's a mental patient, but with those qualities it makes you want to go to a mental institution to see if you can form the next Genesis, because god knows what ended up happening to the old one.
7. Devo
Just look at my previous post on Devo. I love them so fucking much, what isn't weird about them. I can't say anything that hasn't been said. They are holy SubGenii! I'll just say DUTY NOW FOR THE FUTURE!
8. The Tubes
Before they went commercial and hit it big with "She's a Beauty", they had songs like "White Punks On Dope" that made them a cult hit. They played at Bimbo's for a month straight and kept it rolling by booking dates for entire months at clubs in New York, San Francisco, and LA. Their shows were the more theatrical than Liberace reciting Hamlet while bedazzling the skull he's holding (then he'd just drop it and bedazzle every item of clothing on his body). They had TVs on stage playing weird videos while dancing bugs watched Fee Waybill get beaten by giant cigarettes, and there was almost always nudity.
9. Weird Al Yankovic
His name says it all! Weird Al got his name while he was a DJ at guess where...that's mother fucking right! KCPR! He recorded his first song in the men's bathroom that I regularly go into to pee. It's more fun going in the men's bathroom, also the janitor's office is in the women's bathroom. I'm not sure why....anyway! Weird Al doesn't have a normal bone in his body, there's no explaining anything. Everyone's seen UHF, everyone knows, and if you haven't then you suck! He's famous, the 3rd Naked Gun movie said so, go check out that crap!
10. Alice Cooper
A man with a woman's name that sings about death, wears corpse paint before black metal was around, and decapitates himself on stage. That is so fucking awesome! Fuck you black metal kids, that shit's broooootal! He once hypnotized his audience and got a pineapple upside-down cake to the face, he threw a chicken in an audience that tore it apart, and he takes his daughter on tour where she gets to dicapitate dear old dad every night. He does all this and still has the time to play golf and be this intelectual gent...all at the same time. He's so fucking cool, you don't even KNOW!
11. Iggy Pop
How could we all forget Iggy Pop, a man that walks on an audience and throw peanut butter on them, then just cuts the shit out of his whole torso. He's punk fucking rock, he's the punkest thing ever! I can't really say much because I love him so much I want to explode! Have you seen his coked up interviews? They're the best! I wish David Bowie and him made a sex tape because I would have that shit on VHS, DVD, and Laser Disk!
12. Oingo Boingo
They are eccentric and sing about loving little girls, that's pretty fucking weird. If you don't know who Oingo Boingo are, then I'll just say that it's the band that Danny Elfman was in before he started making soundtracks that sound like if a schitzophrenic was less crazy and more whimsical. For you 80s kids, you might remember them in the Rodney Dangerfield movie 'Back To School' (That had Keither Gordon in it. Remember him as the nerdy Arnie Cunningham in 'Christine'? No? Then I'm a dork.) What about 'Weird Science'? People remember that song, and it has weird in the title.
13. Tiny Tim
Seriously "Tip Toe Through the Tulips" is priceless, and all the crazy antic that came along with Tiny Tim...I mean it's just a big red bow on top of the strangest gift ever. He covered "Do You Think I'm Sexy" and started taking off his clothes on Johnny Carson, which might have been one of the more tame things he's done on The Tonight Show. A regular on Johnny Carson, he also got married on the show to the 17 year old Miss. Vicki when he was 37. His high voice, tacky suits, ukelele, and weird personal life makes him a favorite of mine, and everyone who had him on their show. There's a reason that he was a favorite on Howard Stern. It's because he liked wearing depends diapers, was obsessive about cleanliness, and ate raw potatos.
14. David Byrne
A member of The Church of The SubGenius! How lovely! David Byrne is so fucking awesome that he melts my face. With his oversized suit from Japan, weird dance moves, gawky look, slicked back blyth cream hair, and classic weird catchy music, how do you not just love him. The Talking Heads have been one of my favorite bands since I was 12, and they contributed to the 'Revenge of the Nerds' soundtrack, which hit me right is my 20 sided heart. Seriously, I tap mono to get out of bed in the morning. He also made a building into an organ! What the fuck! You're amazing!
15. Nina Hagen
I don't have to explain this one. Her hair, make up and wardrobe are from the future. She did a German cover of The Tubes' "White Punks on Dope". She claimed she saw a UFO while pregnant. I think that's pretty much saying everything.
16. Lene Lovich
My ultimate chick crush! I love her so fucking much it's rediculous. She looks like a gypsy, wears her hair in these plate things, wears loud colors in her make up, went to Salvador Dali's house to hang out with him, was a go-go dancer where she had to pretend she was asian, she did caberet, was in an Arthur Brown show, she screams and screaches and sings opera like noises that make me want to gay marry her, had Thomas Dolby in her backing band ("She Blinded Me With Science"), she covered Devo and The Residents, did a song with Nina Hagen, and played Mata Hari in a play. She is the best!
17. Grace Jones
A bond girl, fight a fuck load of dudes in Conan the Destroyer, and not to meantion her live shows for her solo career is insane. Her androgynous look and tall figure is unique and attractive. Not to meantion she'll totally kick your ass, because she wasn't afriad to slap a talk show host. What this means is that she won't be afraid the beat the shit out of you. Not to meantion she'll say exactly what she feels when asked. I know she speaks French, and maybe some other languages, which is pretty cool. Cultured and dangerous, it weird and I like it.
Others that I have to meantion:
Lou Reed
Siouxie Sioux
Dr. Demento
Adam Ant
Barnes and Barnes
Cardiacs
Captain Beefheart
The Residents
They Might Be Giants
Elton John
Sun Ra
Afrika Banbaataa
George Clinton
Bootsy Collins
Arthur Brown
Cyndi Lauper
The B-52s
Toyah Wilcox
Yoko Ono
Wendy O. Williams
Napoleon XIV
Those are my weirdos!
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