Monday, January 31, 2011
People love putting my name in shit songs. Did they really have to put the pickle in it too? My lucha libre name is now Biba Pepino.
Friday, January 28, 2011
My friend Josh made this for me. YAY!
I thought you might need this to get through the day.
I'm Jesus of Nazareth...if Jesus was a tiny crazy girl and Nazareth is The Lodge.
Lamont Cranston doesn't have shit on me!
Eric is none too pleased that he woke up that morning and what he saw in the mirror was Marty Feldman...or something of the sort.
Megan's jaw just went into the 4th dimention along with 4th dimention man.
Fuck eye drops, spit is better and cost free.
For some reason my aunt says I look like a frog. What kind of frogs does she see? I've never sen a frog with a moustache, but I do frequently see 70 something year old women with vision troubles. I'm talking to you auntie.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Army Of Lovers - Israelism - Something Tells Me That I'm Not Going To Pick Up Any Jew Boys At This Bar Mitzvah
Unless I have a dick at this event, I'm not getting any jew boys. At least it combines my intense love of gays and my intense (sometimes too intense) love of jews.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
First thing's first. This is Dustin, he has nice teeth. They're fucked up now, give him money! You might recognize him from my Halloween pictures, or any other pictures I have up.
You see this, I'm not fucking around. Hock up the cash!
You see this, I'm not fucking around. Hock up the cash!
I am hosting Burnt Dog Blues Lounge again! This is my comeback. Overall, it's been positive. Here's my flyer, do something with it. What you can also do is go to Boo Boo Records and donate to Dustin-Aid. A close friend of KCPR and me, got very badly hurt and needs money for medical bills because he doesn't have insurance. He also needs money for new teeth because currently he is missing some. His name is Dustin, we love him. Follow his blog (I did), he goes by Windy. I love Dustin and I want you to love him too.Howlin' Wolf! Get it? Everyone's howling about it? Fuck you, that was funny...mildly. Night Howls?
I got really dressed up because this is my comeback. I wanted to look together and not have everyone know I've been really sick since August and I'm probably having a mental breakdown. It's pretty obvious to people that are around me regularly since I lay in bed all day and I refuse to do anything. It's because I don't have anything to do, except take a febreeze bath and lay back in bed, possibly sleep for another 12 hours. AWESOME!
Don't let this deceive you, I fucking hate everything!!! I should really use this excess hate. I know! I'll start a punk band and I'll name it Marc Colon! Maybe I can start a 'Liquid Sky' soundtrack cover band. I will call ourselves Wyld Stallyns! YEAH!
I put on lipstick in a hurry, shut your mouth. I still got hit on though, god damn it! I had it coming this time. When a guy asks you "I think my lips are chapped. Will you feel them to make sure?" then he's a jackass. In defense, I knew before he said anything. Something about an Ed Hardy shirt and dried jizz hardened hair screamed total tool.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Scavenger hunt...What if someone committed suicide to this song because David Lee Roth said "might as well jump"? I don't think it matters because clearly The Clash is the only band that matters (I've been listening to The Clash a lot lately).
Monday, January 3, 2011
So, the scaventger hunt was a success this year. Here is the chaos that ensued.
I have these pictures of myself that just shows how vein I am, but in my defense I am the last of the mohicans.
I also resemble a raccoon. I'll be in your garbage tonight. Seriously, I'm going to Trader Joe's because they got great stuff in their dumpster.
Fuck yeah! Get my groove on with Deb's glamour shots.
I also feel like Pris from Bladerunner, which explains why I choked a guy out with my thighs.
No, I don't wanna take a bath mommy!
I'm a huge Daniel Day Lewis fan. Later I had a moustache for a 'Gangs of New York ' feel. He's my older man crush with his epic moustache!!!
The hills are alive with the sound of music.
I got my Broadfest shirt on.
Who fucked up my eye?
I'm just in a bulletin board sea.
Mikey, Yonny, and Carlos.
Yonny and Carlos.
Matt and Tall Max.
Getting ready to eat shit!
Brigham and Tall Max. Natalie and Boofa in the back. Part of Shoe.
Carlos, Jack, Jesse, Emily, Josh, and Yonny. Josh started right away and punched a brick wall (500 points), ate a cigarette (300 points), touched a burning ember (350 points), high fived someone from a moving car that is going over 25 mph (150 points), ate something off the ground without using his hands (250 points), and he did this while listening to "Jump" on repeat (10 times in a row 100 points).
Brigham didn't cover his face fast enough.
I ran after cars and took photos of them.
Isaac making faces.
We gave strangers the thumbs up while they were in their cars. Give 100 strangers a thumbs up or wave for 200 points.
Zack got burned. Touch a burning ember 350 points. I also did this by slapping Isaac's cigarette he dropped on the ground. I burned myself in the same place the next night while Eric and I were Germs burning each other.
Oh god, that was brootal.
Zack looks happy because we deleted our facebooks together. I had to make a facebook to delete it because I've never had one. Delete your facebook, 300 points.
Yonny drank it and while he was doing that I called a distant relative and told them they're important to me, 50 points. I love my cousin Kenny!
Jesse and Emily.
Carlos, Yonny, Aaron, Steve Dave, and Roy. We all played spin the bottle. I only had to kiss one person and it was Roy. We flinched when we had to do it. 50 points per person, sorry Roy.
Make out with peanut buter in both people's mouths, 300 points.
Make and eat a sandwhich out of the peanut butter that was in your mouths, 300 points.
I got this from a guy driving a Red Bull truck for free. I wrote mom of the year on it and my team gave it to a mom. Give "mom of the year award" to a random mom, 100 points.
Ian, next time point your dick away from me. I'm not into it.
Later he said he didn't know what he was getting himself into.
Now that's a pink belly. While this was happening someone tried to start filling a zipblock bag of pubes. If you made a zipblock bag filled with pubes you got 200 points.
Brigham's nipples really accent the whole thing. After this we went to the bike path and tried to hold up traffic for 5 minutes, but they looked like they were going to call the cops and one car just drove around the whole mess. Lucky we found those orange cones! We ran to The Establishment. We also kind of tried to hold up traffic on Broad, but it was too frightening that we were going to be hit by a car at some point. No points!
Somehow I could feel the people at Tonita's not liking me. It was even more evident after I danced with and hugged one of the people that works there. Give 25 hugs to different people, 50 points. Dance with someone you don't know at their job, 150 points.
Eat a pizzarito, 150 points. You have to go to Woodstock's for the pizza, then you go to Tonita's for the burrito. On our way to Tonita's Sarah and I convincingly told a stranger they're a good person, 50 points. I also had a decent conversation with him, 100 points. We also saw another team holding a vague protest downtown, 200 points for them. We were going to stop a stranger from jaywalking, 200 points. We also were going to ask kids if they were going to steal things in a store, 10 points per kid. We didn't though, no points.
The ice cubes melted. It looks like I peed my pants, and looked like that for a number of hours as I walked downtown with my teram.
Eat a cigarette, 300 points.
When you eat a cigarette it makes your mouth numb and it tastes like ass. That was the only thing I ate all day. A word of warning, if you eat a cigarette and you haven't eaten all day, it will hit your stomach hard. I got instant sour stomach, probably because I'm eating poison, so therefore I am poisoning myself.
I was sick immediately. It was the worst. I also had bits of tobacco stuck in my retainer. I puked all over Barnes and Nobel's bathroom and while doing so I told the chick in the stall next to me to never eat cigarettes. I'm pretty sure she won't after hearing the mess I made in there. While I was walking out of the bathroom, some goth girls stared at me, so I just told them I was puking up the filter, that's it.
I ate the filter and when it came up it was all chewed up. I ate a Camel Wide, go big or go home. I wasn't in flavor country, JT, I was in flavor third world country. I say that because it felt like I had Typhoid Fever.
See, I did it! After I ate it I tried giving someone taller than me a piggy back ride for 5 minutes, but I didn't last because I was so sick. I think I would have been able to do it sans cigarette consumption. Sarah ended up doing it and getting the points for our team. 250 points!
Sarah chugging hot sauce. Hot sauce chug, 500 points. After this, a opposing team attacked us with water balloons, but they didn't win. They didn't get the 200 points. We won!
Carlos did it too, another 500 points. They said it wasn't that bad. Carlos was sober the entire hunt, and most of the other team members too. Stay sober for the entire hunt, 800 points. He was supposed to put a hand full of sand down the back of his pants. No points!
We went under a bridge to get Stinging Nettles to rub on Carlos' nipples, but we couldn't find any. It was a bitch to walk over the fense because I was the only one that couldn't do it. I'm so short that I had to hop a little fense. I did, however, manage to puke on Jesse's arm for points. Have someone vomit on you, 250 points.
Jesse was super grossed out. He said he could feel the warmth of my vomit on his arm. He took off his shirt because he thought I'd puke all over him, he was kind of worried about that.
...and this is how that happened.
I'm still giving more strangers a thumbs up. I want those points.
Brigham danced with someone he doesn't know at his work. The funny thing is that I know him. His name is Reid, he owns an awesome comic book store in town, and he's cool. He danced with wolves that day. Yes, Brigham is secretly a wolf. Brigham then spent over $20 on U2 albums, 250 points.
Get covered in glitter, 250 points. It was easy because I do shit like that all the time. I am Bowie!
I'm still finding pieces of glitter on my scalp, even right now. It's like pixie dandruff.
I was walking out of Beverly's when Sarah dumped it all on me. There was glitter all over the sidewalk. It was an ambush! Admiral Ackbar says "It's a trap!", then the rancor ate me. God damn it!
Sparkly! After that happened Sarah got a gift for a friend, 50 points. I hope her friend is Wicket. Okay, no more Star Wars references...but I want to cut open a Ton Ton for extra points. What if I pulled a Lando and betrayed my team? Can I keep the points and haul ass back to Alderaan?
She chewed up a piece of gum and put her gum on the wall, then she licked her own piece on the wall. That way no one gets Strep Throat. I had a friend get Strep Throat after licking the wall.
Going the distance.
One guy said we were going to die in front of his kid.
He licked the wall really gently. I hate to tell you that it doesn't make it more sanitary if you do it that way.
My turn! I lick it really weirdly.
I was too short to lick Sarah's piece, so Brigham stuck his piece on the wall and I licked that.
Rusty ate the pizzarito! 150 points for Rusty.
Mikey got the Costanza. Get a haircut that makes you look like someone from Seinfeld, 200 points. 5x points for "The Costanza".
Mikey licked Peter's armpit.
Then I guess Peter laughed, so they had to do it again. Yonny cracked up.
So they got ready to do it again. Mikey had a hard time because Peter has an essence apparently and Mikey could taste him. That gives me a whole new outlook on the album 'Come Taste The Band' by Deep Purple.
We tried to make a 5 level human pyramid in the living room at 2007 during the party. We failed. No points!
Middle level (left to right): Natalie, Heather, Sarah, Zack. Bottom level (right to left): Josh, Matt, Shoe, and I think Jesse.
Zack extreme close-up!
Ricky, or as he is known now, Emile. He ate a full bite of wet cat food with Zack, 400 points. Ricky also ate a worm, 250 points. Another team got Ricky to join their team, so they got 150 points.
I combed Zack's hair with a fork. It's an inside joke. I swear to god if he sang "Under the Sea" I'd jab him in the ribs. That fork was so dirty and gross. We found it on the ground in the living room. Zack, you smell like cat food.
Jesse drinking to forget what the scavenger hunt plagued him with.
Roy really liked this picture. I just look like I'm burping the grossest belch ever.
Eat something off the ground without using your hands, 250 points. I ate a piece of dried up cold pasta that I found in a pot in the kitchen at 2007. I had to do it again because it wasn't on film. Roy pointed out that the kitchen floor is probably the nastiest floor ever and they never clean it. Thanks for telling me that! Awesome, now I have hepatitis.
I wonder if anyone saw his dick from their car or gas station....I did....
Matt in a hotdog suit (different Matt, obviously). Michael is behind him, or as Megan knows him, the bee guy. Matt punched me so fucking hard in my arm twice. God damn it that hurt, but I got a bruise, 50 points.
Preston took pictures with my camera and just took pictures and me and Christie's feet.
Preston! What is your facination with feet?
Christie tried to get in the shot, but failed.
Christie! She bought those glasses and they're awesome. They're 50s safety glasses. Something tells me the 50s weren't that safe.
Christie, how many times did you change your dress that night? Like 10 times? What are you Cher? It doesn't matter we were in the sauna by the end of the night.
Preston gettin' down to Madonna.
The dance floor was wild at The Crossroads Jr.
Matt looks like someone's dad when he's wearing those, so he just pretended to be Christie's dad. What a chill dad! He brings you to parties and doesn't care that we danced slutty on each other, then fell on that dance floor on top of each other, and then rolled around with each other. We were hoes that night.
Someone broke the door. That thing has always been a bitch to open and close. Matt, who is fixing it, tried to dine and dash during the hunt, but they were too chicken. No one did it because everyone was a yellow belly.
Chillin' like a villain. I forget the pink haired chick's name, but she skinny dipped in SLO Creek, 300 points.
Mikey was drinking some vodka hella tuff with Brianna. Mikey cross dressed, 200 points.
Jack tried to pick up Mikey to crowd surf in the kitchen. You have to crowd surf in public to get the 150 points.
While this was going on Emily and Liz took trashy nude photos and put them in the bathroom, 400 points for them.
Hey everybody, who wants to play doom eyes!?
I told Mikey I was going to take a picture of him peeing, I wasn't lying. This is around the time that Josh threw a bunch of papers off the top of a building and then played catch with a mug of hot coffee. Yonny and I threw Christmas light bulbs on the ground so they'd explode, then I groped Christie.
Emily tried to pierce Mikey with a safety pin. Then Caitlyn tried to do it, and bent the safety pin. Mikey's belly button is like a cat's butthole. Pierce your belly button, 500 points. He got no points for that.